Happiness...

Happiness is coming home from work, kissing your father, and having you bounce behind me saying "Mommy, I want kisses too!!"

This is, in fact, the exact definition of happiness.

2

Can't quite say why I haven't written anything since your birthday.  It's a milestone, after all.  2 years.  2 years in existence.  A bit odd.  I think I barely remember life before you.  Seems like this long ago distance youth.  You are so much more fun than the late night drinking and running around.  You have breathed childhood back into me.  I've been remembering little things I had long forgotten because I see them in you.  It's a lovely thing.

Funny toddler story of the day:  Argilia took you shopping for your birthday today.  Being a practical mother, I had suggested a winter coat.  But of course, Argilia wasn't done there.  So, I then suggested a hat/mitten set to go with the coat.  Of course, I let you pick it out.  You chose a purple knit hat with a monster face on the front and a ridiculous blue and purple tassel on top (need to insert pictures into these things).  You promptly placed it over your head (entirely over your head) sideways and jumped out at random shoppers shouting "peek-a-boo!"  I seriously almost peed myself.  I have no doubt you made at least half a dozen people's day.

I hope you always remain that ridiculous.

Be the subject of your own life.

Once again, I take too long a pause to write to you.  I need to get better at this.  I thought I'd share some inspiration  I received today.  My boss quit her job so she could spend more time with her daughter.  I have to admit, I'm jealous.  I've wanted to do that for some time.  Her boyfriend, however, is one of the producers of Wicked... so, she can pretty much do whatever she damn well pleases, and not have to worry ever.  Not so much the case with your family.  Sorry Bug.  Maybe one day we'll have the craft bins I dream of.  And the lazy spring Saturdays in the park.  And mornings baking cookies.  And hours reading books together.  For now, it's all survival, though.  But you know what?  When I daydream to escape reality, I'm always spending time with you.

<3

Stormy Weather

Last night a new little addition to the extended family came into this world.  And it occurred to me that she entered this world much the same way you did - during a crazy storm.  And I sat and thought about this for a while.  Perhaps this is the way the Goddess welcomes strong women into the world.  And not just strong women.  Women who will grow with strength, courage, and fire in their heart.  Women who will know what it is to love both tenderly and fiercely.  Women whose minds and hands will change the world in some fashion.  A storm, which brings renewal and life and cleanses the earth - A Goddess's baptism for women of a certain nature.  Her welcome to motherhood for the Earth Mama's who will raise these amazing girls into women.  A storm, I think, is the greatest type of welcome, held only for those who deserve it.

On Thursday, you said to me, "Mommy, I want to play in the rain."  And so we did, if only for a few minutes.  You are without doubt a child of the Goddess and an Earth Mother's daughter.  And you have a new sister now.  Not a sister of blood, but a sister of water, wind, and thunder.  What a glorious sister to have.

Toddler emotions

We went out to dinner at Perkins last night.  Your father and I questioned the sanity of our decision as daycare had informed us that you hadn't napped and that they lost your binky.  As this was the first evening your Dad took off all week, we decided to give it a shot.  You did okay through out, but towards the end you got quite cranky.  As we were leaving, you got super angry about something or other.  You yelled, you screamed, and then you hit me in the face half a dozen times or so.  When we got out of the doors, I yelled at you stating "you don't hit!", and you hit me again.  You were mad at me, and insisted that Daddy put you in the car.  Then you melded down even more when you had no binky for the car ride.  Exasperated, I drove pulled out of the parking lot with you screaming your head off.  A mile or two down the road, you suddenly stopped screaming.  We had the following conversation:


Lily:  Mommy?
Me:  Yes Lily?
Lily:  I love you.
Me:  I love you too, Lily.
Lily:  Mommy.  I'm crying.
Me:  I know you are crying.  Is it because I made you mad?
Lily:  You made me mad.
Me:  You made me mad, too.  I don't like it when you hit me.  It hurts.
Lily:  I'm sorry, Mommy.
Me:  It's okay.  I'm sorry too.

And you were fine for the rest of the car ride.  We ended up going to a park we had never been to, and had an absolute blast.  But at not even 2 years old, you are starting to get a grasp on your emotions.  I'm still blown away by how rapidly you are developing your self-understanding.  It's amazing.

Seriously, it works like you wouldn't believe....

I will one day miss the day when I could bribe you with applesauce.

<3

Thoughts on confidence

Read this article today:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp

My knee-jerk reaction was to agree with it 100%.  After all, girls are so much more than clothes, make-up, and hair.  We are intelligent, willful, individualized creatures.  We have interests, ideas, dreams, and responsibilities.  And yet, it seems every ice breaker, especially with little girls, is "what a cute dress!" or "what pretty hair!" or "you're just adorable!"  And one simply cannot get angry at a genuine compliment.  Although, after the 800th "she's so cute" I do sometimes want to scream "she's more than CUTE!".

But I kept thinking on this subject throughout the day.  You, as an adolescent girl, will be bombarded.  And to be honest, there is little I can do to stop it.  The media is everywhere.  Even in schools now.  And there is no avoiding the biggest cause of self-consciousness - other adolescent girls.  So, if I know there's no protecting you, shouldn't I help to arm you?  At the end of the day, I want you to know you're beautiful.  I want you to walk around everyday knowing that you are gloriously built, from your head to your toes.  I don't want you to ever look in a magazine, see a tv ad, or even look at another girl and even momentarily second-guess yourself.

So there's a balance somewhere, yes?  I tell you everyday how beautiful you are, and then immediately remind you that you are more than beautiful?  Sounds confusing, although I think that's the basic answer.  I think at the end of the day, my goal is to help give you more self-confidence than I ever had growing up.  And to help you understand how to love yourself as much as I love you.

So, Lily... you are beautiful.  And you go far beyond that beauty.  But, you're still beautiful.