i don't even know what to write. where to begin. it's so much, that i don't think words even work anymore...
gah.
there's just too much going on... too much that's important.
and i'm gonna fuck it all up.
i want to crawl into a hole.
i have no idea what i'm doing.
i feel like any decision i make right now will be utterly wrong, and i'll pay for it for the rest of my life.
and it kills me, because somehow i can't get through this like i normally do... i can usually reason or meditate my way through these things. and yet... not so much.
i want to scream and cry and sleep... maybe bang my head into a wall....
everyday is a struggle not to break.
no time to be broken...
cause it's all moving really fast... and if i don't keep up...
i'm fucked.
