And without even realizing it, you and i are embarking on a new adventure tomorrow. Your father starts a new job in Wisconsin tomorrow. But you and I are staying here - for the time being, as least. And plans that are supposed to be laid out and in order are still a jumbled pile of ideas and thoughts of various different paths, none yet actually chosen. That type of shit drives me nuts, but your father has always seemed to thrive this way. And eventually, you and I will catch up to him on his road. We'll leave New Jersey. And what an odd concept that is... a place I've been dying to run from since I first set foot in its boarders 12 years ago. Now that the moment is upon me, I find the roots I've grown go deeper in the earth than I ever realized.
But the next 3 months will be about us... 3 months of just you and me. I'm incredibly frightened of this. And it's not that I think I can't handle being a single parent for a while. And it's not that I don't love spending all the time in the world with you. But there's a weird thing about parenthood that no one ever seems to mention - it gets lonely. I think that's why there are all those "mom" groups. At least it's company. But it's true - parenthood gets lonely. Friends without children don't like getting bogged down with kid stuff, and friends with children are just as busy as you are running around like a crazy person trying to care for their kids and tend to their lives. And at the end of the day, when I'm sitting downstairs while you snore away, I will only find wine and ms. difranco for company. where we used to revel in the "adult time" together, I will find myself having to fill it alone.
and as hard is it's going to be, maybe that's all for the better.
<3
