Schizophrenia

It's crazy how all of my life decisions revolve around you.  Don't get me wrong, I was not so naive to think that I could have a child and go back to living my life in the exact same way.  However, I never stopped to think that having a child could dictate my entire career path.  I'm miserable in my current job.  I was offered another more in my chosen field, with lots of opportunity.  I turned it down.  It was half the salary I make now with no benefits.  And I'm really not that upset about it.  I don't want you to read this one day and think that I gave up this great thing because I had to feed my family.  I have no doubt other things will come along.  But what kills me is my only impetus for the decision was you.  I went back and forth on it.  On the one hand, my current job drives me crazy, but it pays well, gives me benefits, and is super flexible.  On the other hand, this other job would make me far happier than I am now and had a much better commute.  Keeping my current job was the "responsible" decision.  But will it discourage you from taking chances?  Is the message I'm sending "It's better to have a big pay check than to be happy"?  And I get that you're 2, and you're probably not quite this philosophical yet (but hey, you're pretty advanced).  But the last thing I want is for this to become a pattern.  Patterns lead to ways of life.  I don't want you to learn the pattern of give up your dreams for money.  But I also don't want you to be so reckless that you wind up with nothing.  The balance in between the two is a fine, fine line and I don't know that I know how to teach you to walk that tight rope.  So as your parent, I'm your safety net... but I still feel like I'm walkingt the wire too.  I'm doing both a once and it's a maddening stunt.

This is the real reason kids make parents crazy.

Well, this and the constant screaming. :)

In the end, we're molding each other, Bug-a-bug...